A science fiction fantasy mystery comedy
© Elwood Herring 8 Jan 2000
Elwood's Home Page
“It
just can’t be done”, the god Vulcan complained,
“On all worlds isometric or flat.
The logical structure is liable to rupture –
I’d need a Klein bottle for that!”
“Then use one”, Thor thundered with crackles of static,
(A fairly routine outburst).
“I’ve got one to spare that’s in need of repair -
Just ensure that you wash it out first!”
“But that’s not the point”, mighty Woden demanded,
“It’s silly to even attempt it.
It’s so convoluted, it’s fully unsuited -
When I said “unstable” - I meant it!”
“You’ll just have to manage, my time is too precious
To waste on your incompetences.
Just thread the thing through with a wormhole or two –
Then surround it with Moëbius fences!”
The reason for this mad Olympian squabble
Lay in the contortions of fiction -
For worlds once invented (if writers so meant it)
Pass into the Gods’ jurisdiction.
In an infinite number of parallel worlds
There exist not a few artificial.
If it can be conceived then – however naïve -
It must surely exist. (That’s official.)
The dusty back pockets of God’s space-time trousers
Contain an assortment of places
From cutely quixotic to queerly chaotic
In hyper-dimensional spaces.
These lands, lesser deities would have removed
From some poet’s enlightened synapses.
Converting the verses to whole universes -
Creating real worlds from “perhaps”-es.
This process however would seldom run smoothly
Despite all the Gods’ best laid actions.
‘Cos imagination’s so good at creation –
But not at computable fractions.
And so this conundrum I relate to you
Has now to be brought to fruition
By beings like this who don’t really exist
Well, at least until now – there’s the friction!
Meanwhile, at Olympus, the tempers were fraying
As Chronos, with mighty resolve
Let fly with Thor’s hammer, and said with a stammer,
“There isn’t a trick I can’t solve!”
“In order for any of us to be here,
We have to unravel the riddle.”
“Hold on”, announced Saturn, “I think there’s a pattern,
It helps if you start in the middle.”
Then quietly a lesser god sighed from the back
"Was I mentioned in that silly poem?”
They replied quite correctly, “Yes, but indirectly”
He answered “That’s it then, I’m goin’”
But Jove took control with an air of command,
“THERE’S JUST ONE WAY TO END THIS DILEMMA,
AND THAT’S TO ATTACK THIS UPSTART OF A HACK
WITH A BOLT FROM THE BL