Another silly poem by Elwood Herring
(Dedicated to anybody with a morbid fear of the metric system)
A physicist friend (whom I despise)
Invented a unit of surprise.
His patient research had led him to
A measure of fright he termed the “Boo”.
“Imagine yourself in shock”, he said,
“Your heart missed a beat, you catch your breath.
You’ll find this experience without fail
Works out on an exponential scale.
In plotting the graph, I used the trend
Of counting the hairs that stand on end.
The tiniest jolt would be to you
How I would define a "Pica-Boo"
It’s not quite enough to cause you grief,
But puts you in need of some relief.
"A centipede or a spider might
Impart you a "Centiboo"-like fright.
A horror film takes one up the scale
With guaranteed scenes to turn you pale.
(So Christopher Lee or Vincent Price
Would average four or five "Boos" per night.)
The strength of a supernatural shock
Would roughly lie in the "Decaboo" block.
(It’s fitting of course, to call it that -
A ‘Decker-Boo’ literally knocks you flat!)
And so we go on – in terms of dread -
A "Kiloboo" fright would strike you dead!”
He paused in his explanation there
To gather a lungful of fresh air.
(At this point I silently feared the worst
And pressed the alarm bell to call the nurse.)
“It makes perfect sense”, this madman said,
“With Megas and Gigs, we’ll take as read…
Of course, we could take this further still -
I’ve plenty of ways your blood to chill.
“To take this as far as it could go,
Just picture the worst scenario.
All weapons of mass destruction pale
To the ultimate scare on global scale.
“Imagine”, he said as they strapped him down,
“The sheer consternation as this hits town.
The world’s population, their hair turned white…..
When I set off my "Teraboo" bomb tonight!
© Elwood Herring Hallowe'en 1999………………………………………………………… ?
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