Written for the C programming course trainees at Kalamazoo plc
(Freely adapted from "The Walrus and the Carpenter” by Lewis Carroll)
The Tutor and the Programmer
Were walking down the road;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of code:
"If only this were all compiled"
They said, "It might yet load.
"If twenty hacks with ten P.C.’s
Debugged for half a year,
Do you suppose," the Tutor said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it" said the Programmer,
And shed a bitter tear.
"O students, come and work with us!"
The Tutor did request,
"A pleasant course with no remorse:
A good chance of success.
You'll get all your expenses paid,"
He said, "Well, more or less."
So four young students hurried up
All eager for the ride:
Their minds alert, their pencils sharp,
Their folders open wide -
And this was odd, because you see,
They had no notes inside.
Four other students followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
Like oysters to the shore -
All wading through the printout sheets
That lay upon the floor.
The Tutor and the Programmer
Walked to the lecture stand,
They climbed upon a GOSUB stack
The BASIC course had planned;
And all the little students stood
With floppy disks in hand.
"The time has come" the Tutor said,
"To talk of no-wait states:
Of spreadsheet cells and 4GL's
Of constants, chars and gates -
And why all C is syntax free -
And whether COBOL rates."
"But wait a bit," the students cried,
"Before we start the test
For some of us have come by bus,
And not quite at our best."
"Don't worry" said the Programmer,
We'll A.P.L. the rest."
"A batch process" the Tutor said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Flowcharts and analysis
And twenty MIPs of speed -
Now if you're ready, students please
We can commence the deed."
"But not with DOS!" the students cried,
Turning a little grey.
"With all our files, we'd need a two
Dimensional array!"
"The system's fine," the Tutor said,
"It multi-tasks OK."
"It was so kind of you to help!
We'll fix this in a flash."
The Programmer said nothing but
"Use 'define' with a hash.
I wish you wouldn't press Escape -
You'll make the system crash."
"It seems a crime," the Tutor said,
"To teach at such a pace;
And after all the money spent,
The screens are interlaced."
The Programmer said nothing but
"Please type in lower case!"
"I'll vouch for you," the Tutor said:
"I can but synthesise."
With Wordstar Two he sorted through
Those with the best designs,
Holding the UNIX manual
before his rheumy eyes.
"O students," said the Programmer,
"We've had a good test run!
Shall we be logging off again?"
But answer there came none -
And this was scarcely odd because
They'd compiled - every one.
© Elwood Herring 12 Nov 93
Glossary:
PC...........Personal Computer
VDU.........Visual Display Unit
4GL.........Fourth Generation Language
BASIC.....Beginner's All-purpose Symbolic Instruction Code
COBOL.....COmmon Business Oriented Language
A.P.L.......Accredited Prior Learning
DOS.........Disk Operating System
MIPS......Million Instruction Per Second
UNIX......(ask Denis)
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